...hurry

"No way...no he's not!  Girl, he's fucking weird!  It's a party there?  Girl whatcha doing..our last resort.  Better call him...oh no way, I'm such a bitch.  He likes you...just text him, hurry!"

--young woman WORKING at Zeli Coffee, La Canada, CA, 5/9/14, 6:30 p.m.

She was on speakerphone at the time.

I know my stuff...

"Very stupid the way he was carrying on..was going up and down up and down up and down..how many times do i have to tell him...I don't know nobody knows it doesn't mean that he should right now. Nobody knows what's going on right now end of story.  ..I know my stuff...All I'm trying to say is that you...I am in a situation that is so unsure i feel very uncomfortable because nothing's stable.  Also i am in a lot of pain and I'm the only one who can authorize..all these inflammatory drugs..i am I'm terrible pain.  I DONT CARE THIS IS URGENT OR OTHERWISE IM GONNA DRIVE DOWN THERE NOW!"

--Man in Koffi, Palm Springs, CA, 3/17/14, 3:09 p.m.

Power Bitch

"This is what I was looking for, bitch!  'The 48 Laws of Power!"

--Young woman (17-18?) with group of two friends.  She had just returned one of the "Prada Plan" series.

stupid making more stupids

"I'm gonna go get some Viagra."

--Sloppy guy outside Lakeview Terrace Branch Library, Lakeview Terrace, CA, 1/16/14, 1:20 p.m.

Bubbleworld dick

"Los Angeles International Airport. I'd like to reserve a car for 2 days starting tomorrow. Discount,  AAA.. Sorry?   Maybe I'll just...let me confirm it...rent a car from Budget. That's per day or total?  I'd better call back.

Is this Enterprise in 1000 Oaks?  Ok, ummmm...what would it be to rent an economy car for 2 days...just the lowest rate.  I will....see you tomorrow.

Hello?  Huh?  Ummmm...yeah it looks like tomorrow..probably if you want to go to Monty's...I have to go to Hurley...want to go see a Woody Allen...we still goin' to Yellowstone?  Is that confirmed?  Looks like Patagonia is out..."

--all from same serial cellphone violator guy, Malibu Kitchen, Malibu, CA, 9.16.13, 3:32 p.m.

RudeBeachMommy

"That's a good song can you sing it to me?  Did you have a good day at school?  Do you want to go back again tomorrow?  That's awesome.  Wow that's awesome honey you sound great.. I'm SO glad school is fun.."

-Blonde woman speaking to her child (on speaker no less), Malibu Kitchen, Malibu, CA, 9.16.13, 3:17 p.m.

Starbucks voice of idiocy

 

"Did you do good in school today?  How'd you know?  Did I have a Starbucks voice? Did you have fun in school today?  All right...sounds like funnnnn..!"

--woman in Starbucks, La Canada, CA, 6:48 p.m., 9.11.13